


You Should Run (So You Won't Feel the Pain)

by orphan_account



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Before the Show Starts, F/F, I Am Sorry, I made myself sad while writing this, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kooks (Outer Banks), So yeah, exploration into kie's kook year, i don't know how it got to this, i don't make the rules, it started off with me talking about names, kie is a lesbian, oh yeah, please be mindful of that, the words slut and whore are used in this a couple times, this is a word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24872284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A look into Kie's Kook year and why she hates Sarah Cameron so much.Warning: This fic contains elements of rape. Please do not read if it will harm you. I don't want anyone to be hurt by my fic.Please read the tags.
Relationships: JJ & Kiara & Pope & John B. Routledge, Sarah Cameron/Kiara, one sided Kiara/sarah cameron
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	You Should Run (So You Won't Feel the Pain)

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo.... please don't hate me for this. I am putting Kie in pain, I know, and I hate myself for it. But I got this plot idea and I had to run with it. 
> 
> There is a scene where Rafe rapes Kie. It is not explicit, it is not graphic, but I tagged this as mature just to be sure. It is not referred to as rape in the fic, but that is what happens. It is marked by asterisks (*) if you would like to skip it. It is very short, just a paragraph. 
> 
> Title is from Second Skin by Maiah Manser. Most of the lyrics don't fit with the fic, but this one does. 
> 
> I'm also completely ignoring timeline issues. 
> 
> This is my first work in this fandom, so I'm not sure if my characterization is correct. Please let me know!
> 
> English is my native language, but this is not beta-read, so please feel free to point out any mistakes.

Kiara Carrera has been called many names. 

Kiara. By her parents, teachers, and authority figures. 

Kie. By her Pouges, because they were hers in a sense. They were her best friends, they were her family, they were the ones that were there for her. She had abandoned them, but still they let her come crawling back with beer and food. 

There’s a reason that she doesn’t like talking about her Kook year with the boys, there’s a reason why she hated Sarah Cameron so fiercely. There’s a reason why she despises Rafe Cameron with all of her being, there’s a reason that she hates the Kook Academy. There is always, always a reason. 

Kie is not the spontaneous one of their group. That role is reserved for JJ and John B, with their constant split-second decisions. JJ especially, the recklessness shining through even when he tries to be responsible. And she sees how hard he tries sometimes, when the smile on his face begins to look plastered on and stops reaching his eyes. When he winces when John B thumps him on the back and it hits a days-old bruise. That’s another thing that they don’t talk about. Whether the bruises and broken ribs come from a fight with a Kook or if they come from some other source. Whenever she tries to ask he shrugs it off, asking if she wants another beer or some more weed. And then she’ll share a look with John B or Pope and he will just shrug and take another swallow. 

They don’t talk about a lot of shit that they probably should, but that’s the Pouge way. They don’t talk about her Kook year, they don’t talk about JJ’s shitty dad, they don’t talk about the way that Pope sometimes looks like he wants to crumble into a million pieces under the pressure, and they don’t talk about John B’s dad. They don’t talk and they let it fester. They let it fester and they let it rot. They thought that it would eventually rot away, but that’s not how the world works. You can’t just forget something like that. It would stay with them, most likely for the rest of their lives. 

\---------------------

The first two years of high school were simultaneously the worst and best years of her life for Kie. She stuck out like a sore thumb, not even the most expensive clothing and fanciest jewelry could disguise the fact that she didn’t fit in. 

At first, she didn’t want to fit in. She thought that she could balance going to the rich kid school and still being best friends with her boys. But slowly, slowly, it started to get to her. Their words sent splinters under her skin, shards that hurt. They shunned her, called her names, tripped her in the hallway so that she would be late for class. Kie didn’t tell the Pouges, knowing that one of them would go ballistic if they knew. They would beat up a Kook to an inch of his life, and then it would all go downhill. 

So Kiara didn’t tell anyone. She smiled at the guidance counselors that sent her concerned looks and went to the bathroom during lunch to cry. 

Crying in the bathroom was how Sarah Cameron found her, mascara tracks running down Kie’s cheeks. Sarah gave her a makeup wipe, helped her clean up, and invited her to go save baby sea turtles. 

Once upon a time, Kie would have said no, but she was so, so tired, She was tired of having no friends at school. She was tired of being the odd one out during school projects. She didn’t want to feel like the only thing keeping her going was her boys. She didn’t want to be the girl who needed her boy friends. 

And as much as she loved her boys, they were just that. Boys. She couldn’t talk to them about certain things, if she did they would make a face and shove her away playfully. It would be nice to have a friend that was a girl.

So she said yes, blowing off a meeting with the Pouges. After that, things went up up up.

Sarah called her a new name. Kiki was what she called her, just between the two of them. It was whispered in her ear with a smile and laughed out during sleepovers. 

And slowly, almost as slow as she was worn down, Kiara grew apart from the Pouges. The spaces between text messages grew longer and longer until there were no text messages to respond to. When they saw each other, they ignored each other. 

Kiara shed Kie and became Kiki, adopting Sarah’s Kook lifestyles. She stopped wearing clothes that she found at a thrift store and started wearing tube tops and ripped jean shorts. Her “hippie” string bracelets were gone and replaced with gold jewelry. It hurt her heart, but she justified it in some corner of her brain. It made her parents happy, that she was no longer hanging around with those “dirty Pouges.” Kiara missed her old friends, but, but, but. There were so many buts, so many flips of mental gymnastics that she could do to banish that seed of guilt that kept growing. 

Sarah Cameron pulled her in. Kiara kept falling and falling and falling, feeling like there was no way that she could go any deeper. She didn’t know what she was feeling. Girls weren’t supposed to feel like this towards other girls, right? They were supposed to paint each other’s nails and gossip about the boy next door. They were supposed to cut out photos of the latest teen heartthrob and paste them to their walls. They weren’t supposed to look at their best friend from underneath lashes coated with mascara, a faint color coming to their cheeks before they looked away. 

Kiara pushed those feelings down, living in the moment. She let herself get swept away, pulled under by the current. 

And then things started to go down, down, down.

Rafe caught her starting for just a second too long. A split-second before she looked away, but that second was just too long. Too long, he said, for best friends. Too long, he said, for a normal person. A new name dropped from his lips. It dug deep underneath her skin, drawing blood.

Freak. 

Kiara begged him not to tell Sarah, not to reveal her secret. His words broke a floodgate inside of her, realization rushing into her head. And she hated herself for it, wished that she could be normal. She told herself that she was broken. He told her that too. She begged and she begged, but he said nothing. 

He said nothing for the next few weeks, giving her warning glances. He said nothing, until he said too much. Sarah left her alone in the Cameron’s massive kitchen. It was a stainless steel and white marble thing, too big for a family of five to ever need. But that’s what money bought you. Money surrounded you with things and neglected the human inside. Rafe Cameron had been neglected by money, and he needed an outlet. He was determined to make Kiara his outlet. 

He brought her to his room, telling Sarah that she went home. From there, it went down, down, down. 

*

She said no. She said no so many times. But he didn’t listen as he pulled her shirt off. Pulled her shorts down. Pulled off her bra. Pulled down her underwear. Stripped her of her clothes as she struggled. Kiara fought, she fought so hard, but it didn’t stop him. He kept going, went all the way, even as tears fell from her face. Even as she begged him to stop. Even as, even as, even as she said no, he said yes. 

* 

When he was done with her, he kicked her out of the house. She went home and wept, not telling anyone. She went home and she cried, her tears soaking the pillow. Tears of a girl who said no but wasn’t listened to. Tears of a girl who had been taken advantage of. Tears of a girl who would never be the same. 

  
  


\---------------------

After the next party, Kiara’s life blew up. Rafe had too much to drink, and hate was spewing from his lips. He told Sarah that they had sex, and Kiara hated herself for not saying anything. She hated herself anyway, but this was like the cherry on top of the whipped cream in Sarah’s favorite Starbucks drink. It wasn’t needed, but it was added anyway. He was glaring at her, threatening her, telling her that he would expose her secret if she said anything. Kiara held that secret close to her heart, and she didn’t want to have it stolen away. So Sarah believed him, and Kiara didn’t say anything. 

Rafe said that she was a slut, and said that she was a whore. The kids at school adopted these names, yelling them out in hallways, scratching it into the bathroom stalls. 

Kiara ran home and cried again, hating the fact that she felt helpless. She hated herself, she hated her feelings. 

Sarah was angry, so, so angry. And Kiara hated her. Hated her for not seeing that something was wrong with her best friend. Hated her for believing her brother. Hated her, hated her with an anger that burned so bright. It burned and burned and burned. It burned through Kiki, leaving a bitter Kiara in her place. 

Sarah’s birthday party was when their friendship snapped. Sarah invited everyone, everyone except Kiara. 

So Kiara called the police, wanting to have some control. It was something that she could do to have control, something that Rafe couldn’t trace back to her. 

Girls at school spread rumors.  _ Tattletale. Slut. Whore.  _ They kept repeating the words over and over and over again, and Kiara believed them. She called herself that when she looked in the mirror, when she pinched the skin that lay on her face. When she cried in her bathtub, when tears drenched her pillow every night. When she woke up from a nightmare, feeling Rafe’s hands roaming over her body. 

Sarah did nothing to discredit the rumors. She simply pursed her lips and looked down at Kiara.    
  


It was like the beginning of freshman year all over again, except a thousand times worse. Again, the teachers did nothing. Kiara kept to herself, crying to sleep every night. 

\---------------------

Kiara resisted going back to the Pouges. She didn’t want to have to explain why she had left them. She didn’t want to have to explain why she flinched whenever a boy got too close. She didn’t want to explain why she was coming back. 

But then she thought about how they didn’t talk and decided that it settled it. She had heard about John B’s dad. She had heard about a lot of things, and hadn’t bothered to check up on them. She beat herself up for it, as bruises from Rafe faded along her stomach. 

She went to the Chateau, armed with beer, and food, and apologizes. They were angry at her, rightfully angry. She had just left them, left them with no warning. She knew that they had lost too many people in their lives for them to lose her too.

JJ shouted at her, and she took a step back but weathered it. She flinched, but she took it. 

John B was quieter, but his words still hurt. She gave him a beer when he asked, smiling sadly at him. 

Pope just looked at her before launching into a story about the latest book he read. She laughed at this, handing him a bag of food from the Wreck. 

As she thought they would, they didn’t talk about it. They didn’t ask, and she didn’t give them an answer. That worked for all of them. 

It took time, with JJ being the last one to accept her back. But eventually, Kiara was Kie again. Kie forgot about being Kiki. With the Pouges, she could forget about all of the names that she was called. She could forget, and she could be a Pouge. 

She shoved her feelings down, not processing them and hiding from them. She still woke up from nightmares drenched in sweat. She still felt cold fear running through her when she saw Rafe. But she learned to hide it. And the boys didn’t talk about it. 

Kie didn’t talk about what happened during her Kook year for a good reason. Her Kook year would go down with her, hidden in her mind. It would go down into her grave. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my word vomit. I may or may not right a sequel of sorts for this. Depends on how I’m feeling.


End file.
